Nerdy Parody Songs

That’s right, from time to time I write parody songs about gaming or other general nerdery.  Why?  Because I needed something interesting to put on my LinkedIn profile, of course.  Are they worth sharing? Probably not.  Is that going to stop me?

No.

Before we start make sure you check out the Tetris songs I wrote for GameSpite Journal:

I Block” (to the tune of Theme A) and “Tetris Theme B-tch” (to the tune of Theme B – WARNING: EXPLICIT LYRICS)

NOT YOUR MARY (to the tune of Call  Me Maybe, by Carly Rae Jepson)
inspired by Bobby Cowling

Born from a wish made in hell
Or Heaven I couldn’t tell
I think that guy’s daughter fell
And now I’m in your way.

I spared my life on a lark
Threw my gun into the dark
Went down to Rosewater Park
And now I’m in your way.

Your speech was broken
Toluca Lake, seams are showin’
Cold night, fog was blowin’
Where you think you’re going, baby?

Hey, I just met you, and this is scary,
My face and voice match; I’m not your Mary.
It’s hard to keep up, with you baby,
I might be coughing—I’m not your Mary.

Hey, I just met you, and this is scary,
I’m here for you, James. I’m not your Mary.
That red pyramid guy, tries to chase me,
I’m here for you, James. I’m not your Mary.

You took your time checking locks
Wasting away on a cot
I’m kind of sorry we fought, when you said ‘anyway’.
Locked behind bars made of steel
You touch me, see that I’m real
I’m no good running in heels, I’d just be in your way.

Your world is horror
Taut flesh, weeping sores
Jumping through the floor
Where the hell is Laura, baby?

Hey, I just met you, and this is scary,
I’m here for you, James. I’m not your Mary.
It’s hard to look right at me, baby?
My face and voice match; I’m not your Mary.

Hey, I just met you, and this is scary,
I’m here for you, James. I’m not your Mary.
It’s hard to stay alive, near you baby,
I’m here for you, James. So please don’t kill me.

Before I was brought back to life I missed you so bad.
I missed you so bad… I missed you so, so bad.
Before I was brought back to life I missed you so bad.
And you should know that… I missed you so, so bad.

It’s hard to look right at me, baby?
Did something happen? I’m not your Mary.

Hey, I just met you, and this is scary,
I’m here for you, James. I’m not your Mary.
These red pyramid guys, try to spear me,
But you don’t need them. So please don’t kill me.

Before I was brought back to life I missed you so bad.
I missed you so bad… I missed you so, so bad.
Before I was brought back to life I missed you so bad.
And you should know that
I’m not your Mary.

 

FLASH MAN (to the tune of Taxman, by the Beatles)

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide;
My icy floors will make you slide.
Cause I’m the Flash Man.
Yeah, I’m the Flash Man.

Other robot masters try so hard,
Slow and steady is my calling card.
Cause I’m the Flash Man.
Yeah, I’m the Flash Man.

If you try to shoot – I’ll freeze your gun;
If you try to dodge – I’ll freeze your run;
If you jump away – I’ll freeze the sky;
If you Metal Blade – I’ll prolly die.

Flash Man!

Cause I’m the Flash Man.
Yeah, I’m the Flash Man.

I’ll put you in a frozen Hearse, (ah-ah, Dr. Wily)
If Sniper Joes don’t kill you first. (ah-ah, Dr. Light)
Cause I’m the Flash Man.
Yeah, I’m the Flash Man.

If it’s boss advice you’re here to seek (Flash Man)
Select me first while you’re still weak. (Flash Man)
Cause I’m the Flash Man.
Yeah, I’m the Flash Man.

And time waits for no man but me.

Flash Man!

 

LITTLE CONTRA SNIPPET (to the tune of Get it Faster, by Jimmy Eat World)

I should have thought things through
I’ve got one life. Contra’s like a cancer.
I wanted to beat this game I’m finding out…
Cheating gets it faster.
up up down
down left right left
right B A
My fingers move like dancers
up up down
down left right left
right B A
Cheating gets it faster.

 

FASTER BETTER HARDER FROGGER (to the tune of Harder Better Faster Stronger, by Daft Punk)

Dodge it
Make it
Jumping
Makes us

Faster
Better
Harder
Frogger

Traffic
Hour
Classic
Never

Rushing
Safer
Games are
Over

Dodge it
Make it
Jumping
Makes us

Faster
Better
Harder
Frogger

Dodge it faster make it better
Jumping harder makes us Frogger.
Traffic rushing hour safer
Classic games are never over.

 

A SONG ABOUT RYAN FROM THE OC VOICING BATMAN IN YEAR ONE
(to the tune of California, by Phantom Planet)

Swinging from a hook
Stopping all the crooks
Action from a comic book

Yeah crime alley here I come
Right back where I started from

CAPED CRUSAAAAADER…